Armenia|| Zmroukhd Tooligian

[stormie]

The Character

Country Name: Republic of Armenian

Human Name: Zmroukhd Tooligian

Nicknames: Lily

Gender: Female

Appearance:


Personality:
Lily is a relativity calm person young lady who is a bit cautious around people. Speak to her out of nowhere and she will jump she will try to maintain the situation but none seems to hear her. Her emotions can change very quickly like a light switch depending on the people she is around. Sometimes because of Russia's influence on her she'll go crazy and threaten to kill you, if you get her mad enough. She can be a bit of a coward but will fight with all she has never giving up or in she rarely show any emotions thou.

Around her friends her protective side comes out and she will do anything to keep them safe. Lily may be a coward but when it comes to protecting her friends she would die for them. Lily hates to see any of her friends argue and will try to stop them from doing so. She hates it when she can’t do anything to keep her friends and her family safe and she has to watch them die because of her mistake. She has a bit of a hard time keeping any friends she gets because she can be like Russia at times and that scares a lot of her friends.

When she is alone she acts different to when she is around people. She tends to more jumpy when she is alone. She will attack anyone that decides to sneak up on her it doesn’t matter if it is friend or foe just please be careful. She doesn’t like staying alone for a while by herself and she will seek someone out to be with. She is scared of being left alone again like in her past but this time none coming and helping her out or really caring about her. She knows how to care for herself but is scared to be left alone by herself for a long time.

Weapon: A desert eagle handgun but she mostly uses a sword that she carries around.

Likes: Reading: This usually helps her calm down when she is scared.
Cooking: She is an excellent cook
Fighting
Helping out
Her two dogs
Art
Music

Dislikes:
Talking about her past
Stupid questions
Hard Work
People who hurt animals
Her human name being mispronounced

Strengths:
Hand to Hand Combat: She knows knows some martial arts she was taught by one of the other nations.She can hold her own if she ever had to do hand to hand combat but not for long.
Sword fighting: She has excellent swordsmanship even though it sometimes doesn't show when she is fighting.
Courage
Self-Confidence
Brave

Weakness:
Trust Issues: It takes her awhile to trust anyone because of what happen to her in the past.
Her Friends
Over Protective
Scared Easily
Reckless: At times she can be reckless running head first into something without thinking first.

Sample Post:
Armenia had been walking through the mansion what felt like hours looking for something or someone. She had barely escaped the monster after it had attacked her on the first floor in the library but she managed to escape after fighting it for a bit. Armenia had two long scratches on both of her arms she was just glad that was all she escaped with from the monster. Armenia had gone to the second floor in hopes of finding a first aid kit to wrap her arms up with. She hated this place and just wanted to go home and leave this place and the memories all behind her.

Armenia looked through all of the rooms on the second floor that were not locked walking into the last room. Armenia and locked the door behind her and searched through the room looking for a first aid kit when she found what she was looking she sat down. Armenia opened up the kit and took out some gauze since she had already washed both of her wounds. She wrapped both of her arms up wincing slightly as she did this. Sighing she had ran out of bullets for handgun and was now using her sword even though she had nearly broken it in her last fight against that thing.

Armenia sighed again and got up from where she was sitting and took out her sword. She walked over to the door and opened very slowly just in case that monster was waiting for her. After opening the door she moved back just in case when it didn’t come she walked back over to the door and looked out. Armenia looked at both sides of the hall from the room she was in seeing nothing she left the room quickly and went to explore the rest of the mansion.

Did you read the rules?:
★ I am thinking shaving England's Eyebrows they look weird
★ Maple makes everything sweet
★ Knife
★ Tomatoes
★ Freedom is what everyone deserves
★ Roses

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The Player

Name: Stormie or Lily

Timezone: EST

[Mysterious Voice]

Before continuing your application please head over to the Character List to place the reserve. Thank you~

[/blockquote]

[Mysterious Voice]

Thank you so much for your interest in Hetalia Replay. I'm afraid we have to REJECT your application.

While we are usually very tolerant as far as grammar and even spelling mistakes go, there's simply too much awkward phrasing peppered about to ignore, as well as a plentiful amount of general and rather obvious errors you might have seen had you proofread at least once. At some points, these errors even interfere with the basic understanding of your character. Some sentences are redundant. The repetitive use of the word 'she' is persistent in certain places, and you might want to consider working on that as well. Using other words than 'she' would help maintain a flow.

The voices would also like to recommended that you are more consistent in your details as far as likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses go. Some of the items on each of these lists seem very thoughtless and basic, while others have clear potential to be developed further. There are numerous places you could stand to be more specific to draw out an easier perceived picture of your character. One thing in particular would be Zmroukhd's nickname 'Lily'. It is never once mentioned why this is her nickname, and that might be a good explanation to toss in somewhere.

All in all, your application seemed almost like it was rushed at the very last minute. We didn't feel it was given as much thought as should be. Your character came across as very flat, even if that wasn't your intention.

Once you address the issues stated above, you're more than welcome to revise and resubmit your application. We'd be more than happy to read it over again.

Thank you again for your interest!